You Have My Whole Heart For My Whole Life

We want you to see the beauty that is right in front of your nose. Or above :)

Lean on Me, Bro.

It’s good to have a friend to depend on.

We like Tigerhugs.

(And we probably invented them!)

fuckyouverymuch:

We miss you.

:) + <3

I’m very happy at the moment, and he is happy, too (in spite of some challenges in his life), that is all I can say.

Furthermore, I am relieved how our relationship worked out. While I had feelings that were totally out of this world right after we got to know each other, and it probably was the most intense time of my whole life, I always knew that this wasn’t going to stay. But what we have now, the friendship we have, this is something I can imagine to stay for a very long time, in one way or another, or dare I say forever? And I am very happy about that :)

Foreverever? Foreverever!

This is my first post since a long time and I should be ashamed, and I am ashamed. Maybe I needed to experience what it was like, before I met the best guy on this planet and my best friend.

In the last months I mainly focused on the relationships I had through school and tried to strengthen them and eventually find another good friend. While I found some friends, I’m noticing more and more, that none of them is on par with my best friend. Before all this, I always thought that people in school avoided me, because I’m awkward, uninteresting or whatever, but now I know, that they avoided me, because I avoided them in some way. They simply bore me to death, I don’t have the feeling, that there is even communication going on. Sure we have all sorts of “fun”, at least what they consider fun, drinking, betting, watching soccer, but my definition of fun is something different. I like to have a glass of wine with my best friend, eat some dinner and have a discussion about philosophy, politic and other interesting things (like women for example ;). Sure I also like some of the things they do, but not EXCLUSIVELY. Maybe that sounds arrogant, hell, maybe this is arrogant, but it’s the way I feel and don’t feel good right now, I don’t want this to continue for one year. One year may seem short to some, but at the moment I’m very depressed and in this state, even a week feels like a year.

Maybe this helps my best friend to understand my behavior in the last months and shows him, how much I need him. <3

Friendships and stuff

A witty photographer once said “The best camera is the one I have with me”. I think it’s similar with friendships. When you are on holidays far away from home with a couple of friends, those are probably the ones that serve you best. When one of these friends starts getting on your nerves, and you get into a fight with the other one about a girl, you might pick up your phone to call some other friend who understands you. In this very moment, the guy on the line is probably your best friend, giving you support and helping you stand through this situation.

That being said, I have given up on the concept of being best friends forever and ever, in each and every moment of one’s life.

Still, when you look back at your life, there are friends you’d consider closer than others. Be it because your connection was especially intense, or you have known each other for such a long time without feeling totally unconcerned, or you have experienced so much together that it’s hard to compete for anyone else, or all of the above. Some friendships may last from kindergarten to the grave, others only for one night, and still this does not say anything about what this friendship means to you.

I don’t know whether there will be life-long friendship for me, because I have only reached roughly one third of my life. Of course, I also don’t know whether there will be life-long friendship with my bro, as we have only known each other for little more than a year. But I can’t deny I have to suppress a smile when I think about us, sitting on a bench, feeding the ducks, talking about our lives, or saying nothing at all. So if there is, I won’t complain. I have just given up on trying to force it, though.

This does not mean that I will be just sitting here, watching it all go astray, as soon as the next crisis pops up (which will definitely happen). I know that you have to work hard, you have to fight hard, you have to take good care to preserve a friendship, but in the end, it will be worth it. So I’ll still call, text and try to meet on a somewhat regular basis, will try to remove all the obstacles and misunderstandings that will be standing in our way. But I have no plan, no strategy, no concept, no tactics or whatsoever for this friendship. I’ll just try to take it as what it is, not as what I want it to be.

But what I know is that it still feels good to talk to him, even after all that has happened, and that I still draw courage and inspiration from our dialogues. Plus, I am still very interested in what he thinks about, because for me his thoughts are a treasure chest of stimuli that motivate me to discover new stuff as well. And I still like to know how he feels, because I still have my unconditional love, a love that makes me want to help him become happy with his life. And if there are other friends around him, trying to do the same, so much the better. We are partners in crime! This is no longer exclusive for me.

So, pretty much this is it. I’ll hang in there, trying to keep things up, and to help him if I can, but without making him somewhat dependent on me. Let’s see how things will turn out in a few weeks, months or even years. But I have a feeling that all will be well :)

I saw a friend of mine the other day
and he told me that my eyes were gleaming
Oh, I said I had been away, and he knew
Oh, he knew the depths I was meaning
And it felt so good to see his face
Or the comfort invested in my soul
Oh, to feel the warmth of a smile, when he said:
“I’m happy to have you home, oh, I’m happy to have you home.”

Those lines mean a lot to me. When I hear these lines, I remember that my bro needs to explore, has to experience life on his own. And as hard as this may be, it means that I won’t always be with him. I won’t always know where he is, what he does and worst of all, if he is well. But this is ok. I’ll be worrying, and I will suffer, but time after time, he will be back with me, happier and more experienced than before, and we will be together. There may be days, weeks, months or even years between our encounters, but I believe to my soul that there will always be a next time. And each of those times, we will bath in the warmth of our smiles, our hugs and our words.

Oh my ghost
came by here
Said who do you love the most
Who you wanna call before you die

Oh my ghost
came by here
Said who do you love the most
Who you gonna sing to ‘fore you’re gone

Oh hey
heaven is the place we know
Heaven is the arms that hold us
Long before we go
Oh hey
heaven is the place we know
Heaven is the arms that hold us
Long before we go

I know I’d call my bro, not a split second of doubt. And I’d sing to my bro, or at least I would try. And I’ve been in heaven when he held me in his arms, this I am certain of.